


Summer Vacation

by julien (julie)



Series: Due South 90210 [2]
Category: due South
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Blackmail, Canon-Typical Violence, Child Abuse, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Minor Character Death
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 1997-10-10
Updated: 1997-10-10
Packaged: 2021-02-27 21:48:55
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 19,203
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22822828
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/julie/pseuds/julien
Summary: Seventeen-year-old Ray Vecchio is having the best summer vacation ever with his boyfriend Benton Fraser… which is when, of course, Frank Zuko turns up and insists on having everything his own way.
Relationships: Benton Fraser/Ray Vecchio, Ray Vecchio/Frank Zuko
Series: Due South 90210 [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1640716
Kudos: 2





	Summer Vacation

**Author's Note:**

> **First published:** 10 October 1997 in my zine Pure Maple Syrup 6

# Summer Vacation 

♦

Ray Vecchio’s first time with Benton Fraser had been quick and simple, unbearably sweet and stupendously good. Wallowing in memories of it yet again, when he really should have been working, Ray smiled.

The first time. They had been lazing around on Ray’s bed all afternoon, Benton propped up on his elbows reading aloud to Ray from some library book the Canadian had borrowed. Imagine that, a kid who voluntarily went to the library even during school vacations. Given the significance of what came after, Ray would have thought he’d remember the book’s topic, but he couldn’t. At the time he’d listened with half his attention – with the other half focused on trying to massage Benny’s bare feet. Ray’d never pretended to be anything other than inept-but-eager-to-learn when it came to massages, and it required a fair amount of skill and concentration to touch Benton this way without tickling him.

Ma’s voice had drifted up from the first floor hallway. ‘I’m going to Beverley’s now, Ray… Maria’s coming with me.’

‘OK,’ he’d called. ‘Have a good time.’

‘You boys take care,’ was her advice.

‘Sure, Ma.’

The front door closed, and the house fell into blessed silence, but for Benton’s beautiful voice picking up from where he’d left off. Really, Ray had enjoyed listening to the _sound_ of him as much as, if not more than, listening to _what_ the boy was reading.

Ten minutes later it belatedly occurred to Ray that he and Benton were alone together, and would be for hours. Such a situation was rare because even at Benton’s apartment, where there was only one other family member to take into account, the Frasers’ neighbors were forever visiting and there were no locks on the door.

‘Benton,’ said Ray rather abruptly.

Again the boy broke off from reading, and turned his head to look at Ray sitting down by his feet. ‘Yes, Ray?’

‘Get your clothes off.’

Benton blinked once in surprise.

‘We’re not waiting any longer.’ Absolutely determined, Ray had already clambered off the bed, and was unbuttoning his shirt. ‘Come on, Benny. It’s been weeks since we met and fell in love, and I know we had all kinds of good reasons not to have sex right away, but this is _it_ now, OK? This is our chance.’

The young man pushed himself up to sit cross-legged on the bed, the book still clutched in his hands. He looked round the room, kind of dazed.

Bare-chested, Ray walked over to the door, closed it, and jammed a chair under the handle for security. ‘That’s just in case, OK, but everyone’s gone out for the afternoon. There won’t ever be another opportunity as good as this.’ Ray had shucked off his shoes, and was about to unzip his jeans when he noticed that Benton wasn’t moving. ‘Benny?’

The too-pale face turned to Ray, those sapphire blue eyes staring with an odd, wide intensity. Perhaps anyone who wasn’t familiar with this young man would consider his expression to be a blank mask, but Ray already knew him well enough to read the fear.

‘Benny…’ Ray paused for a moment. ‘You do still want me, don’t you?’

That was pretty much a rhetorical question – Benton had made it very plain over the weeks, in words and kisses and embraces, that he wanted to have sex with Ray. God, the number of times they had gotten each other so damned hot right here on Ray’s bed, arms holding each other close, mouths never parting, the fact they remained fully-clothed adding an unfocussed urgency to the proceedings. The only real question in regard to taking it all that one vital step further had been one of timing. Ray had surprised Benton just now, perhaps that was the problem.

At last Benton answered him with a quick nod, never breaking that gaze.

‘Good. Come on, then, get your clothes off.’ Ray’s hands returned to his own zipper. ‘I want you so bad, man,’ he declared as he pushed down his jeans and shorts, stepped out of them. And then Ray stood there naked, boldly providing hard evidence of his need.

A taut moment passed, then Benton got up on the other side of the bed, and turned his back on Ray in order to undress with some semblance of privacy.

Happy enough to allow Benton a little space right now, Ray busied himself turning down the bed-covers. Then he lay on the sheets, the cotton cool on his bare skin, propping his head on one hand and waiting for his lover to join him. The fear, Ray figured, was simply because his beloved Benny was a virgin. This was a boy who had never even kissed before… Ray, on the other hand, had managed to put it about a bit. Which didn’t mean he wasn’t nervous. However, it was time for this to happen between them…

Benton was naked now, and beautiful with it, his cock as hard as Ray’s – harder – and it was colored a stormy red in contrast to his paleness. With a deep solemnity, Benton knelt on the bed, then lay himself down facing Ray. Barely pausing, perhaps too worried to allow himself to falter, Benton shifted forward to take Ray into his arms.

And they were embracing, and kissing with intent, just as they had done fifty times before – except that now they were naked, gloriously bared to each other. More by instinct than by thought, they moved close, closer, until their cocks crushed hard into each other’s belly. Divine…

Except that now Benny was breaking the kiss, tilting his head back to cry, ‘Ray!’ He seemed lost already, tossed by sensation. ‘Ray, your skin! God, your skin…’ And with a last protesting soul-deep groan, Benton was coming, encompassing Ray and burying his face against Ray’s shoulder, wet pulses and thrusting confusion between them.

A delicious long while of Benton moving, and Ray helping him make the most of it (as near as Ray could guess anyway). Then Benny slumped against him, absolutely wrung out, and Ray gathered him into a gentler embrace.

‘Oh, Ray…’ the boy said sorrowfully. ‘Oh, Ray.’

‘I love you,’ Ray replied, whispering into his ear, nibbling at the lobe.

Still overly sensitive, Benton quivered, and pulled away so that he could look at Ray. ‘I don’t know what… Well, I wasn’t expecting to…’

‘I know. It’s all right.’ Ray smiled at him. ‘Hell, it was better than all right.’

‘It was the feel of your skin against mine,’ Benton tried to explain, apparently quite shamed. ‘I mean all over, not just _there_ …’ His eyelids drooped, and he shifted all of himself against Ray once more, drawing in a sharp breath as he confirmed the reality of the experience. ‘I’m sorry, I’ve never felt that before. I wasn’t expecting something so simple to be quite so… overwhelming.’

‘You’re beautiful.’ Ray leaned in to press a kiss to those lips made fuller by passion.

‘Did that happen to you the first time?’

Ray admitted, ‘Not quite. But I understand…’ Time to find an answer for his own need. ‘I understand…’ he added, moving against Benton and pushing him over onto his back, ‘because I love feeling your skin against mine.’

‘Yes,’ Benny murmured, arms cradling Ray.

They kissed as Ray arranged himself on top of his lover. ‘I understand…’ Ray said as he began to thrust against Benny’s belly and his still-hard cock, ‘because it’s more than enough for me, too.’ They were both slippery with semen, but it certainly didn’t lessen the immediacy of the friction.

As Benton claimed Ray’s mouth in a driven kiss, his hands slid down to mold themselves to Ray’s buttocks, to firmly guide and intensify his every move… Ray moaned, wanting only that this perfect communion last forever – and then without thought or conscious intention, he was coming, falling into Benny’s blessed warmth, his very soul in its pleasure sinking down into the boy beneath him.

♦

‘Day-dreaming again, Raimondo?’

Ray shook himself, and offered a sheepish grin to his employer. He only worked three days a week here at the general store, but Ray knew he spent a disproportionate amount of that time distracted by thoughts of Benton. ‘Sorry, Guido. I’ll get this done.’ Ray renewed his grasp on the broom, looked around to see where he was up to with the sweeping. _Jeez_ , he thought, _I’m hard_ … There seemed to be no controlling it.

‘You’re in love,’ the old man observed slyly. Appreciatively.

‘Yeah.’

After a moment, Guido let out a filthy chuckle. ‘You’re _making_ love.’

Ray cast him a chagrined glance. ‘Is it that obvious?’

‘You look like the cat who got the cream, you look like you got lucky last night, Raimondo.’ Another chuckle. ‘Maybe the night before, too. Ah, I remember when I was your age…’ And Guido was off on another of his rambling reminiscences.

Ray listened with half his attention while he swept the floor, having always found the old man’s tales and embroidered memories amusing – but Ray was really more concerned with thoughts of meeting Benny after work that evening. Having already agreed to take this job for the vacation, and glad enough to pass his wages on to his Ma, Ray couldn’t quit now, even though he’d prefer to spend the time with Benton. Well, it wasn’t as if Benton would always be available, anyway – the Canadian, the son of a Mountie, spent much of his time running errands and fixing things for his neighbors. Seemed like there would never be an end to the tasks that needed doing for the people in that community, so it was just as well that Benton would never run out of energy and generosity, it was just as well Ray was prepared to help him out on occasion…

The front door opened, the little bell fixed to it announcing a customer. Guido winked at Ray. ‘Later, I’ll tell you more later,’ the old man said in what was supposed to be a conspiratorial whisper, though he was too deaf to judge properly. ‘And you can tell me who she is, your young love, your lover…’

_Oh dear_ , Ray thought wryly.

♦

‘Why-ever did we wait so long?’ Ray asked.

He and Benny were lying in each other’s arms, naked, on Benton’s bed-roll in the Frasers’ apartment. Privacy from the neighbors had been assured through the simple expedient of a kitchen chair propped underneath the door handle. Benny was lazily pressing kisses to Ray’s face, which was about the most charming thing anyone had ever done to him. Ray noted with regret, however, that almost two weeks had passed, and Benton was already far beyond the point where he was in danger of coming as soon as he felt Ray’s skin against his. Those early hapless helpless orgasms had been adorable.

‘This is so good,’ Ray added when he didn’t get an answer. ‘It was always going to be so damned good. Why did we wait?’ He sighed mournfully. ‘All that time wasted…’

Benny let out a quiet laugh. ‘Do a few weeks really matter, when we have all the rest of our lives to look forward to?’

‘Of course they do!’ Ray declared. He was amazed by how frequently Benton sounded exactly like an adult. ‘How long are we going to be together?’

‘Judging by current life expectancies, and by our general state of good health,’ Benton murmured, somehow making even this recitation of facts sound seductive, ‘I would say you and I might count on living for another sixty-five or seventy years. Perhaps longer.’

‘And we’ll be together all that time?’

‘Oh yes.’ As if there were no question about it.

‘Good. You know, Benny, I never even _thought_ of leaving Chicago until I met you. Now I figure I’ll be all right living in Canada, maybe. If that’s where you are.’

‘Thank you, Ray,’ his lover replied, hushed in gratitude. A meaningful moment stretched, as Ray’s offer was acknowledged by those serious blue eyes. ‘May I share a confidence with you?’

‘Well, of _course_. Do you even have to ask any more?’

‘No, I don’t suppose that I do.’ Benton smiled a little, amused by himself, which was sweet to see. ‘Well, I’m sorry that my father was posted here to Chicago as a form of punishment, and I’m sorry that he feels he’s in disgrace. But I’m also rather glad about it, too.’

‘Why’s that?’

‘Because it’s the first opportunity I’ve had to spend any length of time with him since I was six years old.’

Ray considered this. ‘Are you going to tell him that?’

‘I don’t think so.’

‘Maybe it would make it better for him, you know. Like, there’s some good stuff about being here.’

‘Yes,’ whispered Benny, ‘there’s _you_.’

They wallowed in that for a while, and then Ray said, ‘Oh!’ Remembering the point he’d wanted to make half an hour ago, he continued, ‘Well, even _then_ , in thirty years’ time or in sixty years’ time, even _then_ a few weeks will always matter. Because it’s you and it’s me and it’s us.’

‘Ah,’ said Benton. ‘Of course.’

They kissed for a while, and physically considered the notion that they should have sex again, each of them teasing the other, provoking, asking and answering, beginning to stir into interest. Before they could get carried away, though, Ray asked, ‘So, why did we wait?’

‘Because I respect you,’ Benny murmured against Ray’s throat, proving that he had after all been thinking about the answer. ‘Because I like you. Because I love you. And I wanted you to know that it wasn’t simply a matter of lust and opportunity coinciding.’

‘I knew,’ Ray said, smiling confidently when Benton cast him a doubting look. Well, all right, maybe at first he would have been tempted to assume that the beautiful Benton Fraser was just taking advantage of an easy lay – but Ray _knew_ now that (amazingly enough) Benny wanted Ray Vecchio for himself, for exactly who Ray was, no more and no less. Benton simply wasn’t the kind of guy to take advantage. If Benton said _I love you_ , he damned well meant it.

‘I also wanted to wait for your injuries to heal,’ Benny was continuing, nuzzling at Ray’s shoulder. ‘I didn’t want to hurt you.’

‘No?’

‘No,’ the boy said firmly. ‘You have too much pain in your life, Ray. I didn’t, and I don’t, want to add to it.’

Ray’s heart once more melted and flowed out to this wonderful young man. ‘God, I love you…’ His body began that physical negotiation again. _Are you interested? Are you ready? Because I want you._ ‘I want you so bad…’

And the embrace became a firmer thing, Benny’s kisses more determined, as together they chased and played with excitement.

They ended up in an already familiar position – Benton lying back, gazing worshipfully up at Ray, who lay on him thrusting hardness against hardness. Ray arched up this time, let his head fall back, weight propped on his outstretched arms. Benny’s hands slid down to Ray’s butt again, palming it, kneading the flesh – Benny knew that drove Ray crazy.

So close to orgasm, even though this was their second time today, and even though Ray had jerked off to thoughts of his lover that morning in the shower… Benton had reassured him on a number of occasions that they weren’t unnatural in their excessive hungers. _God made us this way_ , Ray thought. _God made me and Benny to love one another_ … So close.

Benton slipped a finger down between Ray’s buttocks, sliding further, teasing… _There!_ …rubbing at that sensitive secretive place.

Sensation slammed through Ray, and he came, barely feeling the pleasure of it, mostly just aware that Benny had touched him _there_ , something Ray had wondered if he’d ever have the nerve to ask for. Ray vaguely suspected he’d actually howled with joy just then.

And Benny was holding him in place, that finger pressing firmly now against the little opening that would allow Benny to seek the very heart of Ray – and Benny was thrusting wildly up against Ray’s stomach once, twice, thrice until he was coming, too.

‘How did you know?’ Ray asked when he could. They were a tangle of satiated limbs now. One of Benny’s hands was idly fondling Ray’s butt again, though there was only the tingle of memory to confirm what he’d done. ‘How did you know I wanted that?’

‘Your body language.’

Ray quailed. ‘What? You mean _everyone_ knows?’

‘No, I mean how you move and how you react when we make love. Sometimes I would approach, and then you would complain when I drew away.’ Benton shrugged, and admitted, ‘I guessed.’

‘It was a good guess, Benny.’ Ray tilted his head close to murmur, ‘I like that. I like it a lot.’ He closed his eyes for a moment, in order to confess, ‘I think I want you to… to fuck me.’

A silence stretched.

Ray looked at Benny, who had that pale yearning expression on his face again. Benny, who didn’t seem even a little bit surprised. ‘You guessed that, too, right?’

A mute nod, with those big blue eyes so solemn. It was wonderful to have a lover who took Ray himself, and all of Ray’s whims and hungers, so damned seriously.

‘Do you want that, too?’ Ray asked.

‘Oh yes.’ No doubt about the matter.

Ray took a breath, his heart pounding urgent merely at the notion, even though he suspected they really weren’t capable yet. Still, they could _try_ , couldn’t they? ‘When?’ Ray said. ‘Now?’

Benton shook his head, mute again.

‘ _When_ , Benny?’ Ray took another hard breath. ‘God, I want you, man, I want you inside me.’

The eyelids drooped over those intense blue eyes, as if Benton were also feeling this maddened need. A moment while he gathered himself, and then Benny looked at Ray with the utmost candor. ‘Of course I would love to do that with you, Ray, and it is very generous of you to offer yourself to me. But I think we should take our time with it.’

‘Take our time,’ Ray repeated, feeling somewhat disappointed, but also rather cherished. ‘Because you respect me, right?’

‘Yes, Ray.’

They settled into each other’s arms, Ray resting his head on Benny’s shoulder. And secure in this comfortable embrace, Benton began talking…

‘I _never_ want to hurt you, Ray. I _want_ to never hurt you,’ he added for emphasis, pressing a kiss to Ray’s forehead. ‘So, I think we should take our time, and approach that act very carefully.’

‘How do you mean?’ Ray murmured, hoping to encourage the boy.

‘Well, I would want to get you used to me touching you there, before I even thought about being inside you. So, whenever we make love, whenever we kiss and cuddle and move against each other, whenever I take you into my mouth, I will let my fingers follow that trail around behind you… that trail down your spine, delving between your buttocks… or the one leading from your testes, following the ridge back… and I’ll caress and tickle you there until you beg me for more.’

‘I’m begging already!’

Benton didn’t let the intimate mood change – it seemed that the storyteller was on a roll. ‘And then after many days I’ll gently press a finger inside of you, just the tip to begin with, and I will always make love with you at the same time, so that having part of me inside you becomes associated with nothing but pleasure. And after many more days, when you are relaxed enough, I will carefully ease my whole finger into you. I will move it slowly in and out, so that you can begin to feel how it will be when you finally offer yourself to me. And I will always be pleasuring you at the same time…’

‘Oh God…’ Ray moaned, caught up in the sensuous spell Benny was weaving. ‘What next?’

A moment as Benton considered this, and then he pressed a damp kiss to Ray’s temple before continuing. ‘One day I will lie beside you, just as we are lying together here today. And…’ Benton paused to look down at the boy in his arms. ‘Do you know how beautiful you are to me, Ray?’ His gaze encompassed _all_ of Ray lying there naked.

‘You’re beginning to convince me,’ Ray said, though he attempted to shrug this compliment off.

‘You _are_ beautiful. I will ask you to turn over, so that you’re lying face down. I’ll slide my left hand underneath you, and make a fist for you to thrust yourself into – while with my right hand I’ll thrust a finger into you. And you can move your hips in whatever rhythm you most like, and I’ll stay with you all the way, whether that’s slow and gentle or hard and fast, I’ll accommodate anything you want to do. And you’ll fuck my fist, and be fucked by my finger, and I’ll watch you with all the love I have for you, until you can no longer resist the most powerful orgasm you’ve ever experienced. And even then there will still be more…’

‘Oh my God…’ Ray was unbearably hard just listening to this.

‘There will be more because we’ll continue to make love in such ways until you’re comfortable with two of my fingers inside you, and then three. Until at last there will come a day on which you will take _me_ inside of you…’

Their breath was loud in the sudden silence. Ray managed to ask, ‘And how will that be, Benny?’

‘Ah,’ the boy roughly moaned. ‘Beyond my powers of description.’

‘Christ, Benny…’ And they fell deeper into a mutually urgent embrace, hands working ruthlessly to drive each other to the relief of yet another orgasm.

♦

The bell rang, alerting Ray to yet another customer. Guido was in the back, stocktaking in the storeroom, so Ray quit stacking cans of tomatoes and headed for the counter to see if any help was required.

‘Hey, Ray buddy,’ came a congenial greeting.

_Hell_ , thought Ray. Frank Zuko. Ray didn’t say anything, just stood there waiting for Frank to declare his business. Instead, the boy was looking around him at the store, a superior and amused cast to those handsome features. Ray stared down at his ex-best-friend, having forgotten that Ray was the taller of the two young men, by a good number of inches.

‘Ray,’ Frank said again, gaze returning to find him standing there, still waiting. There was nothing but a few feet of space between them, and Ray felt absurdly unprotected. ‘How are you doing?’

‘What do you want, Frankie?’

‘You know,’ Frank said, as if he hadn’t heard the question, ‘if you wanted work during the vacation, if you needed money, I could have made you an offer.’

‘I’m not interested.’

‘It’d be far more interesting than working in a shop, for God’s sake, Ray, we both know you’re better than this.’

‘This is fine,’ Ray said in the hardest tones he could muster.

‘You’re worth more and you’re too proud to ask me for a favor, I suppose. I can understand that.’

Because that did not deserve the dignity of a reply, Ray just gritted his teeth and stared. _If looks could kill, Frankie_ …

‘Other people aren’t so proud. Tomaso, for instance. He keeps asking me for work, begging me in fact. He’s real motivated.’

A long pause. Ray rolled his eyes, and finally gave Frank what he wanted. ‘Who the hell’s Tomaso?’

‘Tomaso, Tom, Tommy, you know him – he gets a kick out of wielding baseball bats.’ And all the while Frank was saying this, those dark brown eyes never once dropped from Ray’s gaze. The _gall_ of the kid… ‘You remember Tom, Raymond, he likes to go all the way.’

‘Yeah, and he was going to,’ Ray blurted out, overflowing with resentment. ‘If Benton hadn’t come along when he did –’ Choking for a moment, Ray eventually found a calmer voice with which to continue. ‘He could have killed me, Frank. For thirty bucks. Why _thirty_ , anyway? Is there some kind of twisted significance to that? Like, betraying your best friend?’

‘Delusions of grandeur now, Raymond? It cost me ninety. There were three of them.’

Ray reverted to glaring at him.

Zuko stood there, casual with his hands in the fine linen of his trouser pockets, looking like the rich and handsome bastard he was. ‘You’re right – you were my best friend, Ray,’ he murmured, apparently sincere. ‘I miss you.’

The anger dwindled a little, undermined by this appeal. Ray let a breath puff out his cheeks, then sighed. ‘Well, you should have thought of that sooner.’

‘You and the Canadian – you’re an item?’

‘Yeah.’

‘So, what happened to your offer to me? What about all that love you wanted to give me? You said you’d do anything for me, Ray.’

‘I meant it.’ Ray shrugged, remembering exactly how he used to feel for this boy. ‘At the time, I meant every word of it.’

‘Good.’ Frank nodded, pleased. ‘It’s never been that I was uninterested, Ray. I think we can proceed. On my terms.’

Ray stared at him, completely flabbergasted. ‘Are you nuts?!’

‘Come on, Raymond, we’ve known each other all our lives, we’ll be together here in our neighborhood forever. You can’t run away from me.’

‘Get lost, Frankie. I’m not interested.’ And Ray turned away, wrapping his own arms round his chest for warmth.

‘But you haven’t heard my terms yet,’ Frank continued urbanely, as if they were actually discussing this preposterous idea.

‘Get lost!’ God, where the hell was deaf old Guido when you needed him? _Guido, please – come chase this embryo monster out of your nice store_. Ray found he was shaking with fear and rage. He tightened his embrace round himself, though it did no good.

‘You come to my place tonight, at ten.’ Tones so smooth and silky. ‘You climb up the vine and come in through the window, because this is our little secret. You make me feel as good as you made me feel last time. And –’

Ray stared at the boy, feeling sour from his throat all the way down to his stomach.

‘And – I won’t send Tomaso after your Canadian friend.’

‘Dear God…’ No matter how scared and angry Ray had been on his own behalf, that all increased a hundredfold for Benton’s sake. ‘Frankie, please. You wouldn’t.’

‘Oh, I think we both know better than that.’ Jovial tones, as if Ray had been teasing – and then with a flat threat, ‘Of course I would.’

A long moment stretched. But there was only one possible answer. Weakly, Ray said, ‘No.’

Frank let out a laugh, completely assured. ‘Yes. I’ll see you tonight, Ray buddy.’ That smile, broad and seductive, beamed at Ray. And then Frank Zuko was gone, the tiny bell on the door signaling his departure.

After a long moment, Guido edged out of the storeroom. ‘Raimondo… Was that Carl Zuko’s boy in here?’

‘Yes.’

‘Trouble?’ the old man asked pensively. ‘Does he bring trouble here?’

Ray managed to find a reassuring smile to give to his employer. ‘No, Guido. I know Frank because we go to the same school, that’s all. Nothing for you to worry about.’

‘Good!’ Guido seemed inordinately relieved, and Ray really couldn’t blame him for that. ‘Good…’

♦

_No_. Ray said it to himself a thousand times, in agony. Until Benton arrived at the store just as Guido was closing up, Ray was certain that must be the answer. _No_.

But then Ray took one look at Benton’s beautiful face, and remembered all the pain Ray had suffered due to Frank’s orders – remembered Tomaso happily declaring _Let’s do him_ , and then using his bat and his boots and any other damned thing to cause Ray as much harm as possible. Next time, Tomaso would not hold himself back, would not allow himself to be held back. Tom had the scent of blood on him.

‘What’s wrong?’ Benny asked now, concerned. ‘Ray, what is it?’

He was going to blurt it all out, tell Benton exactly what Frank’s terms were, but the gut-deep sourness took the words away. God, Ray would do _anything_ for Benton not to suffer the pain Ray had survived. And it would be worse this time – hell, that creep Tomaso might even end up killing this most beautiful of men… _He’s real motivated_ , Frank had reminded him.

‘Ray, what’s bothering you?’

‘Nothing,’ he whispered. ‘Don’t worry, I’m all right.’ Hands gentle on him, surreptitiously soothing him. ‘I guess I’m not feeling so great.’

‘I can see that,’ Benton whispered back, fondly teasing.

The three of them were standing outside in the street now, Guido locking the shop’s front door. ‘Ah, this boy,’ Guido wisely observed, tapping one finger to his nose, ‘Raimondo, he is making himself ill with love… He suffers and sighs all day…’ Benny let out a laugh, and didn’t betray the secret of who Ray might be in love with. The old man laughed as well, apparently thinking this a fine thing, and then Guido ambled off alone.

Ray said, ‘Take me home, Benny. Get me home. Then I’ll just go to sleep or something, OK?’

‘All right. I can spend the evening with my father instead, that’s fine, Ray.’

‘Thanks.’

_No_. But Ray would do _anything_ to save this boy from all the pain in the world, all the pain in Ray’s miserable life. Ray would even go and do this thing with Frank Zuko, for Benny’s sake. He let out a hopeless sigh, and sagged into Benton’s supportive embrace. _Yes_. There was only one possible answer.

_Yes_.

♦

Which is how it came to pass that Ray Vecchio found himself in Frank Zuko’s bedroom at ten o’clock that night. Ray hadn’t bothered dressing nicely this time, he couldn’t care less whether he impressed Frank or not. The room was dim, lit only by a bedside lamp, and the house was quiet around them.

‘I knew you’d come,’ said Frank, happily beaming at getting his way yet again.

‘I could hardly argue with your terms, could I?’ Ray asked. ‘But I have terms of my own, Frankie.’

The boy levelled a cold stare at him, but apparently felt secure enough to say, ‘And what would they be?’

‘Just one – Benton Fraser never finds out about this.’

And Ray waited through an eternity while Frank put on a show of considering this. ‘All right,’ Frank eventually agreed, beginning to wander towards the bed. ‘Going to try to cope with both of us, are you?’

‘For as long as I can.’ Ray closed his eyes for a moment. He hadn’t fooled himself into thinking Frank would only want this once, but still… this brought it all home to him. Ray was eventually going to lose Benton, either directly or indirectly because of Frank, and there was nothing that Ray could do about it.

‘Come over here, Ray buddy.’ The voice was unexpectedly gentle.

Ray didn’t want gentleness from Frank. Obediently, however, he walked over to where Frank waited at the foot of the bed, exactly where they’d had sex before.

‘Go down on me,’ Frank said.

‘Just like last time?’

‘Like last time,’ the boy confirmed.

All right, Ray figured he could do that. He lowered himself to his knees before Frank, worked ineptly at the button and zipper of the tailored linen pants Frank wore. Of course Ray and Benton had gotten beyond clumsiness ages ago, but this… this was different. While Ray knew he’d have to make this at least as good as Frank was expecting, Ray was determined not to give the boy any more pleasure or skill than he had to.

He wrapped Frank’s cock in one hand, encouraged it with a stroke or two, then pulled the loose skin back and took the head into his mouth – it tasted awful. Ray frowned, wondering if he’d misremembered the experience, or if he simply wasn’t going to appreciate anything or anyone other than Benny now.

‘Ah,’ Frank moaned, ‘touch me, touch my balls, Ray.’

More fumbling, as his free hand sought Frank’s testes. Ray rolled them between his thumb and fingers, trying not to think of his lover, his beloved, wishing only that this would be over as quickly as it had been last time.

‘Enough!’

_Already?_ Ray let go and sat back on his heels, wondering what the problem was.

‘Take your jeans off, Ray.’

‘What? No.’

‘Come on, take your jeans off. Now.’ Standing there staring down at him, eyes dark and demanding – cock-head dark and demanding, too, jutting out from his fine clothes.

‘No, please, Frank.’ Ray suspected he was begging, kneeling there on the floor, but he didn’t care, he just went with it. ‘I’ll do anything for you, make you feel good, those were your terms, but leave me out of it, Frank. Please. I don’t want to –’

‘Undo your jeans, Ray,’ Frank said with the quietest menace, ‘or I phone Tomaso and tell him he has work to do.’

‘Oh Christ…’ Ray moaned. This wasn’t fair, this wasn’t what he’d expected at all. But his hands went to the button of his jeans. Trying not to think of Benton, of Benton’s love, of his own pain, of Tomaso’s meanness.

‘Stay right there,’ murmured Frank, wandering around him, watching him. ‘Push them down to your thighs. Now, lift your shirt up, let me see you.’

To his shame, Ray was half-hard. Not because he wanted to be here, he supposed, but simply because this was sex. He couldn’t really help his body’s mindless reactions. Didn’t mean he had to like it, though.

‘Forward, move forward.’

Ray did so, shuffling along on his knees. Frank put a hand between his shoulder-blades, gave an abrupt push so that Ray was leaning against the bed. ‘What…?’ he asked, blearily confused.

‘Hush,’ Frank responded, gentle again. Kneeling behind him, a hand holding one of Ray’s arms twisted up behind his back.

‘Oh God, no – not that!’ Ray tried to turn away, but Frank jerked his arm up higher beyond the point of pain. And it was already too late, Frank was pushing against that secret place, the place that belonged only to Benton… ‘Not that, not that,’ Ray moaned, burying his face in the quilt, thinking that he’d love to just suffocate right now and end this. Frank was inside of him. ‘No…’

‘Hah!’ Frank sounded like he felt vindicated, and his breath coming hard now. ‘You’ve done this before, Raymond.’

‘No…’ They’d been following Benny’s lovely plans, and had only got as far as Benny’s finger inside of him. ‘No, please…’

All the way in now, and very little resistance from the hopeless Ray. Frank eased Ray’s arm back down, took each of Ray’s hands in his and held them against the bed to either side of him. Beginning to thrust, obviously enjoying himself. ‘That’s good, oh, that’s very good.’

Ray hated it. Why had he gotten himself into this, he should have known it would be worse than he’d imagined, more complex, nastier… This boy had been his friend once, and now – God, the worst of it was that now Ray’s cock was hard and hungry, not caring about _who_ was doing this to him, only that it was being done. ‘No…’

‘Yes,’ said Frank. And, no doubt purely by accident, he adjusted himself so that each thrust nudged his cock-head up against that gland Benton had told Ray about in such detail –

– and Ray was coming, loathing himself and Frank and the whole damned world for this happening to him. _‘No!’_

♦

Ray lay alone in his bed that night, his heart broken and his body sullied. Miserable. In pain. Well, Benny had prepared him so well and so lovingly that Ray wasn’t badly hurt _physically_ at least – but the pain of Ray’s lost hopes more than made up for it, and Frank had known that, Frank had laughed right in Ray’s woebegone face.

Damn Frank Zuko to hell!

Quietly, so that his Pop wouldn’t hear, Ray buried himself under the pillows and wept.

♦

Ray wasn’t expected at work on the following day, so Benton came over that afternoon, as they’d agreed beforehand, and the two of them lay there on Ray’s bed in each other’s arms. ‘Are you feeling any better today?’ Benny asked.

‘No,’ said Ray, aching with regret. ‘Yes,’ he amended, not wanting Benny to worry too much. ‘Look,’ he finally said, having thought of a good way of deflecting his lover’s concern, ‘it’s just that Pop’s getting me down a bit. There are things going wrong for him right now, and he kind of takes it out on me.’

‘I’m sorry to hear that, Ray. Will you tell me if there’s ever anything I can do? Or anything my father can do…?’

Ray nodded, uncomfortable with the lie, true though it was.

A hand gently stroked at Ray’s hair, then shaped itself to the nape of his neck, before Benton leaned closer to kiss him. ‘Do you feel like making love?’

Oh, Ray didn’t deserve this, not anymore. But he couldn’t bear to let Benton go, at least not until Ray really had to. ‘Yes,’ he whispered, certain that he was doing the wrong thing by this beautiful boy, but powerless to prevent himself.

Soon they were naked together, and Benny was taking it slow, keeping it simple. Ray almost began weeping again, at this feeling of being blessed by Benny’s flesh. Benton was hard already, though it took more encouragement than usual for Ray to turn on. Which shamed him all over again, for his body had just gone with the sensation last night, when Ray himself hadn’t wanted any enjoyment… Oh, none of this was fair.

Finally they were both in the required state, and moving against each other, though Benton was deliberately keeping the mood sweet and caring. A hand roamed Ray’s butt, exploring the curves, and it felt so reassuringly familiar that Ray didn’t think twice about it until those fingers slid down and under, seeking that place… ‘No!’ Ray cried out just in time, startling both of them.

Benny drew back, blinking once in confusion. That was such an intrinsic part of their love-making these days, as Benton relentlessly and gently readied Ray for what they both wanted.

Ray scrambled for reason, not having thought this through in all the long dark hours since Frank had taken him. The problem was, he was scared Benny would notice a difference, scared there was proof somehow that Frank had hurt him, Frank had stretched him… _God damn it!_ ‘I’m sorry,’ Ray stumbled out, ‘can we give that a rest for a while?’

‘Of course,’ Benny immediately responded. ‘I’m sorry, Ray. Did I… did I hurt you?’

And the poor fellow was so worried about that, bless him. ‘No, no, it wasn’t you. I mean, it just wasn’t quite as great as I’d thought it would be, your finger all the way there –’ Christ, Benton was frowning over that, no doubt wondering how he could have so badly misinterpreted Ray’s reactions. ‘No, I mean, it was _great_ at the time,’ Ray continued, ‘but afterwards I was a bit sore, and I thought maybe we should just ease up for a while. Take our time, like you said. If that’s all right.’

‘Of _course_ it’s all right,’ Benton said. ‘I’m sorry,’ he repeated. ‘Perhaps I was doing something wrong.’

_Damn Frank for this!_ Now poor Benton was hurting, too, because of what Frank had done. ‘Don’t be sorry,’ Ray pleaded. ‘I love you, Benny. God, I love you so much. I know you’d never hurt me.’

Benton was watching Ray now, carefully trying to read him, no doubt wondering what the hell was going on. ‘Ray,’ he said softly, ‘loving me has never made you _sad_ before…’

Ray almost cried.

♦

It wasn’t until late that night, when they were saying goodbye, that Benton asked, ‘What is it that’s upsetting you, Ray?’

There was no point in pretending it was nothing, Benton was too clever for that. He wasn’t even going to buy the story about Ray’s Pop for very long, plausible though it was. ‘I can’t tell you,’ Ray said from the depths of his heart.

‘And there’s nothing I can do to help?’

‘No.’ Ray clutched at the young man. ‘I never want to lose you, Benny, you have to believe me about that – but I have no right to keep you, either.’

Benton stared at him, considering. At last he asked, ‘What if I _give_ you the right, Ray?’

Ray’s heart broke all over again.

♦

After the initial drama, things settled down into a routine – though how this could become routine, Ray really had no idea. He worked for Guido, who continued to good-naturedly tease him; and he saw as much of Benny as he could, though their love was colored by sadness these days; and he went to Frank’s whenever he was told, which was maybe three or four nights a week.

There was a wistful dream that Ray wallowed in more and more. He wasn’t sure if it had started as a night-dream or a day-dream, but it had become both, continually growing in detail and significance. In the dream, both he and Benton were grown up, and they were living together, completely alone and self-sufficient in a house in the wilderness. Ray didn’t know where that wilderness was, but assumed it was some image of Canada he’d created without knowing anything about the place. _Alone_ , that was the point – he and Benton were utterly absorbed in each other, happily fixed in mutual orbit around their love and nothing else – with no interruptions, no one else to claim their time or their energy, and not even Ma Vecchio ever put in an appearance. It was bliss, and it was so far removed from Ray’s day-to-day reality that it was laughable.

He found one thing to be grateful for. At least Frank never kissed him. The intimacy and the simplicity of kissing still belonged entirely to Benton. As it should. As other things should.

So, Ray and Benton regressed in the kind of sex they had, they returned to the easier activities, they spent whole afternoons kissing, fully-clothed. Gone was that adult-style sophistication they’d begun to explore. Benton didn’t seem to miss it, but every now and then he betrayed the fact that he was puzzled by the changes in their relationship. The love was still there, though. They always had enough love between them to make up for the lack of anything else.

Though of course this routine, this juggling act couldn’t last. Ray knew it was only a matter of time, and he’d lose the good things in his life, and be left with nothing but the bad.

♦

‘I don’t like to see you so sad,’ Benton said, sounding as wistful as Ray often felt these days. They were curled up together on Benton’s bed-roll, half-undressed but only for the purposes of cuddling. ‘And it’s been a long while since you mentioned our future together. We were almost ready to begin making plans, I thought.’

Ray pleaded, ‘But we don’t really _have_ a future, do we? Your Dad will get posted back to Canada, and you’ll go to Mountie school… Benny, I don’t want to talk about it. I just want to be with you now, for as long as we can.’

Benton was frowning over this. Which wasn’t exactly surprising, because not so long ago Ray had been overflowing with cheerful optimism, completely dismissive of the idea that anything or anyone might ever get in the way of them being together. Benton was no doubt wondering why Ray’s outlook had become so bleak.

‘Please,’ Ray added. ‘Just hold onto me.’

A little growl escaped the other boy, and he tightened his arms around Ray as if Benton was afraid that Ray might simply slip away. Despite the appeal to his emotions, however, Benton wanted to talk this through logically. Of course. ‘Ray, while I have devoted some thought to my possible career choices, I do still plan on becoming a Mountie – which means, as you point out, that I will have to return to Canada at some stage. But I will need to complete a four-year degree before they’ll consider my application. So, I thought I would attend college here in Chicago. Which means that we have years ahead of us, Ray. We’ll be together for _years_ , and already the habit of loving you feels too strong to break.’

‘Oh, Benny,’ Ray moaned, wondering how many times his heart could break without it becoming fatal. How could he explain enough of the situation without giving too much away? At last he offered, ‘I’m not good enough for you, Benton. One day you’ll realize that. I’m being so selfish right now, hanging on to you. I should just let you go.’

A fraught, difficult silence. Benton’s body was tense with conflict. ‘Forgive me,’ he finally said, voice strained, ‘but except for the personal scruples, which I admire, _that_ is your father talking. Of _course_ you are good enough for me. Perhaps it would be better if you let me judge that for myself.’

‘But you’re biased,’ Ray said, with a hint of ironic humor.

Benton growled again, and caught Ray up to him. ‘Tell me what’s wrong!’

‘It’s Pop,’ Ray blurted out. ‘I told you, it’s Pop. He’s giving me a hard time, that’s all, I’ve just had more than enough over the years, and I’m scared he’ll begin taking it out on the others as well, you know?’

_Did_ Benton know? It was hard to tell from the inscrutable mask that now faced Ray. In desperation, Ray leaned in and kissed the boy feverishly.

This story wasn’t working. Ray had to try something else, or something more, even though it was all delaying tactics now. But what?

♦

Ray stayed up late, way past his usual bedtime, sitting in the kitchen. Salvatore Vecchio must be on a roll, shooting pool at Fanelli’s. Given that it was the only thing he could do well, Ray hardly blamed the man for devoting so much time to it. What point would Sal see in coming home, where he was expected to be the family man, a role he carried off so pathetically?

At last heavy feet could be heard climbing the back steps. Sal came in the door, head hanging down – and was surprised, not to mention displeased, to see that his oldest son had waited up for him. ‘What the hell are you doing?’

Suitably insolent, Ray replied, ‘I couldn’t bear going to bed without first saying goodnight to my beloved Pop.’

He’d hardly gotten half the sentence out before Sal took umbrage at the tone. ‘Don’t flex your bravado at me, kid,’ was the loud fatherly advice. ‘You ain’t never gonna get so big that I can’t smack you one.’

Ray stood up from the table. ‘I’m as tall as you are now.’

‘Height doesn’t change the fact you’re a skinny little screw-up, Raimondo.’

It was close, then, real close – Ray almost lowered his eyes, dropped the challenge, meekly sat back down again. But he had to go through with this. ‘So, how was your night out?’ Ray asked, his voice fainter now but still carrying an edge of provocation. ‘Did you actually manage to convince anyone that you’re _someone_?’

Sal snarled at his son, and stepped close enough to swing his fist hard against one side of Ray’s head.

Ears ringing fuzzily, Ray reeled at the impact – more used to dealing with slaps than full hits. The man’s fist slammed into him again, knocking Ray back against the bench. ‘Does _this_ prove you’re someone?’ Ray stammered out. ‘Hitting your son?’

‘Shut your mouth, fool. You’re asking for more.’

‘Is that what you think?’

A dismissive little snarl now, and Sal just pushed at Ray, impatient. ‘Get away from me.’ The man turned, began to pace to and fro on the other side of the table.

‘Why do you do it, then?’ Ray asked. ‘Is there so much pain inside of you, there’s no other way to deal with it?’

‘What the hell do you know about pain?’

Ray let out a breath, gingerly lifting a hand to feel at his skull. The skin was broken and bleeding just behind his left earlobe, but it was nothing that wouldn’t heal. ‘Everything you taught me, and more,’ Ray told his father.

‘And you think you should have it easier than I did? Why? What gives a fuck-up like you the right to want it any easier?’

A long moment stretched. Sal was glaring at him, as if he actually wanted to hear an answer. Ray tried to wait him out, but Sal was too hyped up by the drink and the pool and the violence, too focused now on his demands being met. At last Ray offered, ‘Because you love me?’

The glare intensified. Ray had crossed a line or two, and quite deliberately. Perhaps Sal would make him pay an exorbitant price for it… But, no – Sal turned away. ‘Get away from me,’ he repeated, in wearily disgusted tones. ‘Get away from me before I really let you have it.’

♦

Benton was achingly sympathetic over Ray’s latest injuries – as opposed to Frank, who was just curious.

On the night following the altercation with his Pop, Ray once more negotiated that damned vine up the side of the Zuko house, and scrambled in through Frank’s bedroom window. The other boy promptly dragged Ray over to the desk lamp, so that he could examine the faint mottled bruises disappearing under Ray’s hairline, the clotted blood behind his ear. ‘What happened?’ Frank asked.

They’d never really spoken about this, but Ray was tired of putting it all down to the perils of basketball. ‘I didn’t shut my mouth when I was told,’ Ray said.

‘Huh.’ Frank tilted his chin up, as if to say _That would do it_.

‘Your Pop still treat you like that?’

Frank didn’t say anything, but he was watching Ray closely with those warm dark brown eyes.

‘I keep wondering, when do I get to be old enough for him to stop? First I thought when I turn sixteen, he’ll realize I’m a man. But he didn’t. Then I thought seventeen. Now I’m wondering if it’s eighteen, or maybe never.’

Silence. After a moment, Frank turned aside. He took Ray’s hand in his, and led him over to the bed, his manner almost gentle.

Frank wanted to fuck, as usual. Seemed he’d never get enough of it. Ray asked, ‘You don’t wanna try something different?’

‘Why would I, when this cute little ass is all mine?’ Frank cheerfully responded. ‘Feels so damned good, Raymond. You ought to try it sometime.’

‘Right,’ Ray scoffed, ‘like you’d let me.’

‘No, not me. Ask your Canadian friend. I bet you could talk him into it.’

Ray didn’t like Benny being mentioned in this place, so he quit talking and simply cooperated with Frank’s orders. They’d progressed to the point of both getting naked, though they rarely lie on the bed itself. Ray was, once more, kneeling on the floor, face pressed down into the silk and feathers of the quilt as Frank took him. Frank’s right hand, clutching Ray’s, shifted down to wrap itself around Ray’s cock. ‘I don’t feel like it, Frankie.’

‘Sure you do.’ And the hand was pumping away at Ray’s indisputable hardness. ‘You think we’re doing this just for me?’

Ray let out an ironic laugh. ‘Yes, Frank,’ he said flatly, ‘we’re doing this for you. No one else.’

Frank didn’t even get close to breaking his rhythm. ‘Well, if we’re doing it for me, then I get to say what I want. And I want you to enjoy it. OK?’

Perhaps Ray was feeling brave lately, or stupid or reckless, or maybe he was just suffering through a fit of truth-telling – but he answered this question with honesty, not caring if that left him all the more vulnerable. ‘Frank, you know it makes me nuts that my body enjoys this. You know that, right? Because _I_ don’t want to be here.’

‘I know,’ Frank Zuko said lightly. ‘But you _are_ here, and that’s all I care about.’

_Fine – that’s just fine, you rotten little bastard_. Ray sighed out a breath, then smothered his face in the quilt again, and let Frank make him come. It was getting to the point where he really didn’t care very much anymore. Yes, the more Frank did this, the more Ray didn’t care. He wondered vaguely if he should worry about that.

♦

And then he’d see Benton the next day, and Benny would smile at him, and Ray’s heart would jolt back to life, and he would care again. He would care very very much indeed.

Perhaps the sensible thing to do would be to let Benton go his way sooner rather than later, so that Ray could just cope with the bad things in that numbed state he slipped into. That would be easier than dealing with these constant highs and lows.

‘I borrowed a book from the local library that I thought you might be interested in, Ray,’ Benton was saying as they walked towards Ray’s home.

‘Yeah, what is it?’

‘It’s about the Chicago Police Department.’

‘Cool.’ The two of them walked up the front steps while Ray dug around for his key.

‘I was wondering if you’d like me to read it aloud to you,’ Benton suggested.

Casting a knowing glance back over his shoulder, Ray said, ‘You just want me to try massaging your feet again.’

Benton looked at him very directly. ‘Yes.’

Ray chuckled, and decided once more that he did actually want these highs in his life for as long as possible. He opened up the front door, and ushered Benny inside.

‘I have always enjoyed your efforts, Ray, but I have noticed lately that you’ve been perfecting your technique…’

‘All right, all right, you hedonist. Come on upstairs.’ Ray led the way, taking it steadily because his ears had started faintly ringing again. Well, it was more a buzz than a ring. Ray figured he’d have to ask his father to avoid hitting him round the head from now on. _Yeah, right. Me and whose army?_

‘Ray, is that you?’ Francesca’s voice, from the kitchen.

‘Yeah, it’s me, Franny.’ He neglected to mention Benton was here, too, though she’d probably assume as much. ‘So, what’s in that book?’ Ray asked his friend.

‘It’s a history of local law enforcement from the frontier days through to when the book was written, which was I believe in 1958.’

Ray was laughing outright as they made it to the bedroom. ‘What do I care about history, Benny? I don’t want to know about what went on with Wyatt Earp, I don’t even give a damn about Al Capone. All I want to know about in relation to the Chicago PD is whether they’ll accept me after I finish school next year.’

Benton was frowning over this. ‘I’ve never heard that Wyatt Earp worked in the Chicago area, Ray, though he was born in Illinois – Monmouth, I believe.’

Swinging the door closed behind them, Ray said, ‘Don’t you have anything better to do with your mouth than spout facts?’

A sweet kiss ensued, Benton slipping his arms around Ray’s waist, and crushing the two of them up together in a delicious embrace. Ah, no, Ray didn’t want to lose this until he absolutely had to.

‘Oh Jesus.’

It was Francesca’s voice again, but this time from nearby. Too near. Benton let him go, and Ray turned around to find his sister standing there in the open doorway, frozen in shock. ‘Franny…’

‘I was just going to ask,’ she said faintly, taking refuge in the mundane, ‘if you’d finished the biscotti. I thought Ma made a fresh batch yesterday.’

‘Franny –’

‘ _Oh_ ,’ she moaned, and then she turned and ran.

Ray set off after her, and managed to get to her bedroom door before she slammed it in his face. ‘I’m sorry, Franny.’

Abruptly, she sat on the bed, as if her legs were too weak to hold her up any longer. ‘I wanted him!’ Francesca cried out with all her fourteen-year-old passion and rage. ‘I wanted him! And all along you –’

‘Look, I’m _really_ sorry you had to find out like that.’ Ray reached out to try to comfort her, but she scooted away across the bed, not wanting him to touch her.

Lifting fingers to her lips, perhaps remembering the two boys kissing, Franny whispered, ‘What do you do with him?’

‘I _love_ him, Franny. All right? I love him, that’s what I do.’ When she looked up over his shoulder, startled, Ray turned to discover Benton hovering tactfully just beyond the doorway. ‘It’s OK, Benny,’ Ray said. ‘We’ll be OK here.’

‘No, we won’t,’ Franny wailed. ‘It’s disgusting. He’s meant to want _me_! I’m a girl and you’re a boy, and he’s meant to want _me_.’

Ray said, with as much patience as he could muster, ‘It doesn’t always work that way. Maybe when you’re older –’

She almost spat at him. ‘Don’t try talking like you’re all grown up, Raymond Vecchio. What you’re doing is a _sin_ , you know that? You’re going to burn in hell for kissing him!’

‘I’ll do you a deal,’ Ray said, with an edge of anger to his voice – ‘I won’t talk like an adult if you don’t talk like a priest.’

‘You know as well as I do –’ Francesca stopped, and a sly look crossed her face. ‘You have to do anything I want now, Ray, you’re my slave for life – or else I’ll tell Pop.’

Strangely enough, Ray’s heart just melted with compassion for her, that she should be hurting enough to make this ultimate threat. ‘No, you won’t,’ he said gently. And at last Franny let him near, let him hold her in his arms. ‘I know you hate me, but you love me as well, and you don’t want to see me in hospital again, do you?’ She even let him press a brotherly kiss to her forehead. ‘Do you, Franny?’

‘No,’ she eventually said.

‘All right. Now, I know exactly where those biscotti are. Why don’t the three of us go down to the kitchen, and cram ourselves full on milk and cookies, and behave like we’re friends? Because I figure that we can be good friends for each other.’

Francesca capitulated with a sigh. ‘All right.’

Ray looked up to find that Benton was smiling at him, apparently proud and pleased with his lover. Well, maybe Ray could talk like a grown-up after all.

♦

Ray was sweeping out the store again. He couldn’t believe how dusty the floor got – he swept it every day, and of course every day it got dirty again. Guido was very particular about the shop being nice for his customers, which was fair enough. But Ray had to admit he got kind of tired of sweeping.

Benton had come to spend Ray’s half-hour lunchbreak with him, and now the Canadian was in the back with Guido, shifting boxes full of produce around. Propping himself on the broom-handle, Ray indulged an idle day-dream or two about Benny with his shirtsleeves rolled up, bending and lifting, and using all the lovely strength that usually remained hidden behind a kind demeanor.

The bell rang, and Frank Zuko made his entrance.

Allowing himself a theatrical grimace, Ray walked over to head the boy off at the pass. ‘Not today, Frankie,’ he whispered when he was close enough.

‘Actually, I was thinking _tonight_ ,’ Frank said with a broad hint of innuendo, and at his usual volume, which wasn’t loud but it carried. ‘But _do_ tell me if you’re ever available during the day, Raymond.’

Ray glared at him, and continued to whisper. ‘I meant not _now_. Benton’s here.’

‘Ah.’ Frank cast a glance around the store. ‘I need a pack of cigarettes.’

‘You don’t smoke.’

Frank just looked at him with those dark brown eyes.

_Damn it_ , Ray thought, _how the hell can I still find him handsome?_ It wasn’t fair. ‘All right. Cigarettes.’ He strode over to the counter, with Frank following, and Ray selected a brand at random, rang the sale up on the till.

‘Keep the change,’ Frank said airily, tossing down a five-dollar bill. Then he looked up at Ray, and a suggestive smile curled his lips. ‘Tonight, Ray.’

‘Yeah, yeah. Tonight.’

Frank leaned a little closer, and confided, ‘I can’t get enough of that tight little butt of yours.’

Another glare, and Ray whispered, ‘Get out of here, OK? I only asked you to promise one thing, and you’re pushing it…’

‘OK, Ray buddy.’ As always, Frank’s manner was easy, as if he was in complete control of the situation. He nodded a farewell, and headed out the door, pulling the damned thing swiftly closed behind him so that the little bell went mad.

Ray stepped over to the window to watch the boy go, unsurprised to see Frank carelessly toss the pack of cigarettes into the trash-can just down the street. He sighed.

And then it occurred to Ray that Frank was beginning to actually declare his hunger for sex with Ray, almost admitting to a need. Which left Frank in an unusually vulnerable situation – for the boy rarely if ever let anyone know they held some sway over him. It wasn’t too difficult for Ray to figure he should be worried about that.

♦

‘God, Frank,’ Ray grumbled that night, ‘you were really pushing it in the store today. Benton could have heard every word you said. _Guido_ could have. It’s not in your interests for people to find out about this, you know.’

Frank just laughed, dismissing the danger, happy to play games with Ray. ‘I’ve been checking out your Canadian,’ he announced.

Ray froze, standing there in the middle of the room, half-undressed. ‘What?’

‘He’s quite something, isn’t he? I think you and he should both join my team. You’d be assets, valuable assets, not like some of the liabilities I have working for me.’

‘No.’

‘No? Just like that?’ Frank put on a show of mock-surprise.

‘Just like that, Frank. No. I don’t want to join your team, and Benton wouldn’t even consider the idea.’

‘Oh,’ Frank said ever-so-slowly, ‘I think he might… under the right circumstances…’

Ray’s heart turned to ice. ‘What scheme are you dreaming up?’

Frank wandered over to sit on the bed in front of Ray, leaning back on his hands, utterly relaxed and confident. ‘I’ve been thinking about this, and I figure the key is your loyalty to him, Raymond, and his loyalty to you. If I compromised one of you, if one of you had no choice but to join me, then the other would follow out of loyalty. It’s that simple.’

‘No,’ Ray said again, firmly, knowing he’d best nip this plan of Frank’s in the bud. ‘OK, you might get me somehow, but you’re overestimating how he feels about me. There’s a line beyond which he’s gonna stop loving me, and we’ve already crossed it, Frank – he just doesn’t know it yet.’

‘You’re underestimating your own charms, Ray. Even I like you enough to take a risk on occasion.’

Well, _that_ notion could be dismissed out of hand. ‘Don’t flatter me. Benton wouldn’t join up with you for my sake. And there’s no way you’d ever compromise him. So just drop it, all right?’

Frank watched Ray for a moment, considering, certainly not at all put out by Ray’s arguments. At last Frank said, ‘His father was compromised. The Mountie.’

God, Frank really had checked Benny out. ‘If you mean that story about the bribes,’ Ray said stiffly, ‘there was nothing to it. He never took the money.’

‘Well, it doesn’t really matter if it’s true or not, does it?’

Ray stared at the boy. ‘Frank, I’m telling you now – Benton Fraser is untouchable. Maybe he’s the only person in Chicago who you can’t get at, but no matter what mud you throw, it isn’t going to stick.’

Another long moment stretched, before Frank said softly, ‘Then, what about you, Ray buddy? What if I want you with me?’

‘You’ve got as much of me as you can have.’

‘I want more.’

‘No.’

Frank let out a laugh, demeanor still unruffled. ‘We’ll see. So, anyway, take those jeans off, Raymond, and let me have what I can tonight…’

♦

Benton met Ray after work, and they walked slowly home. The Canadian seemed pensive and preoccupied, but Ray didn’t mind a bit of quiet companionship, for he had plenty on his mind right now. After everything Frank had said the previous night, Ray feared that he would after all have to give up his dreams of being a cop, Ray would end up being forced to commit himself to Frank, and this beautiful affair with Benton would be nothing more than a memory, a perfect dream. Ray was pretty much back where he’d started.

‘I love you,’ Ray said, completely out of the blue, to the boy strolling along at his side – and who cared if anyone overheard them.

‘I love you, too, Ray.’

But even Benton seemed troubled today.

They didn’t speak again until they were sitting at the table in the Vecchio kitchen, idly scoffing milk and Ma’s cookies. Ray assumed Benton was as lost in his own thoughts and regrets as Ray was, until Benton said, ‘I followed you last night.’

The muscle that was Ray’s heart contracted painfully.

‘I’m sorry that I resorted to such underhand methods, but I’ve been worried about you for a while now, Ray, and you wouldn’t tell me what was wrong.’

‘So… you know.’

Benton tilted his head, and looked at Ray with those blue eyes more curious than accusing, more wary than hurt. ‘I know that you went to Frank Zuko’s house last night, entered it surreptitiously, and spent some time there. I assume from how he spoke to you in the store yesterday, that there is some kind of standing arrangement between you. But that is all I know for certain.’

_Well_ , Ray thought, his heart aching with loss, _this was always going to happen at some stage_. He just hadn’t wanted it to happen yet. On the other hand, he’d gotten away with it for longer than anyone might reasonably have expected. ‘I’m sorry, Benny,’ he whispered, putting down his half-eaten biscotto, having completely lost his appetite.

Very carefully, Benton asked, ‘Would you tell me, Ray, what is the nature of your relationship with Frank?’

‘He, er…’ Ray hadn’t planned on being asked to explain. ‘He, er, has something over me, you see. A threat. So, I go there when he tells me, and – Well, he wants sex.’ _Oh God, this is awful_. Ray knew that he was blushing, but he also felt cold, as cold as if he were in his grave already. ‘That’s all.’

‘You don’t feel you have a choice in the matter?’

Ray stared at the young man sitting opposite him, appalled that Benton should even have to ask. ‘You can’t think I go there voluntarily… Do you?’

‘I hoped not,’ Benton said, with a painful attempt at a polite smile. ‘But, then, I could hardly wish you to be in a situation to which you did not consent.’

‘God, Benny,’ Ray fervently declared, ‘I _love_ you. This has been killing me.’

Benton blinked once, and looked away, apparently trying to hold back tears. After a long moment, he asked in a constricted voice, ‘What is he threatening you with?’

‘You – he said he’d hurt you.’

‘Oh.’ Benton seemed taken aback by this notion.

‘That guy who beat me up with the baseball bat? Frank calls him _motivated_ – he means _sadistic_. Well, Frank said he’d send the guy after you if I didn’t… do what he told me.’

‘Oh.’

‘I couldn’t bear that, Benny. That guy,’ Ray said, beginning to babble, ‘his name’s Tomaso, he’d _kill_ you if he thought he could get away with it. Or at least he’d hurt you badly. I couldn’t stand for you to be hurt, and if it was my fault that would just make it even worse.’

Silence, while Benton considered the situation.

‘I’m really sorry, Benny. I’m sorry any of this happened. I never wanted to drag you into such a horrible thing, I’ve tried to keep you out of harm’s way. Well, that hasn’t really worked, has it? I’ve fucked everything up.’

Benton looked up, amazingly enough, with a better attempt at a smile. He even reached to grasp one of Ray’s hands in reassurance. In a stronger voice, he said, ‘Make your choice, Ray. Then we’ll deal with the consequences.’

‘What?’

‘Make your choice,’ Benton repeated with a nod.

‘Between him and you?’ Ray was flabbergasted. ‘But you don’t want me anymore. You don’t love me. You can’t.’

‘Yes, I can. As I see it, your choice is between things as they currently stand, and things as you want them to be.’

Ray’s mouth was hanging open. ‘But… Well, that’s no choice at all. You _have_ to know that, Benny. I don’t want him in my life – I want you. You, and no one else. But –’

‘Forget the consequences, Ray, for now at least. We’ll work them out tomorrow.’

‘Oh God…’ Ray was shaking, unable to quite comprehend that even if he lost Benny because of all this, he somehow hadn’t managed to lose Benny’s love. ‘Oh God…’

And the young man was standing, walking around the table to sit in the chair next to Ray’s – and then Benton was drawing Ray into his arms. Ray surrendered himself to the embrace with a sob, shifting over to curl himself up as well as he could on Benny’s lap even though he was really too tall. And then Ray was weeping with relief, and Benton was holding him close, closer, and maybe even the Canadian cried, too. And they both tried to find a few words with which to convey how desperately in love with each other they were.

Unfortunately, practicalities soon reared their mundane head – Ray had to blow his nose. He left Benny for the moment, achingly reluctant, standing on legs that still shook in shocked reaction. It dawned on him, as Ray located the box of tissues and applied them as necessary – it finally occurred to him that he might never have to go to Frank Zuko’s again. Benny loved Ray, Benton Fraser loved Raymond Vecchio, and Benny was determined that Ray should be able to make his own choices about this.

Undone all over again, Ray beamed happily at Benny through fresh tears – Benny, who promptly walked over, swept Ray into his arms, and kissed him as thoroughly as he knew how. Oh, this damnably perfectly ineffably beautiful young man…

‘Jesus Christ! Get away from him!’

Ray quailed, more scared than even Frank could make him. Because this was his Pop speaking. Ray really should have heard his footsteps on the back stairs…

Slowly, Benton was letting Ray go, turning around to face Salvatore Vecchio, staying there between father and son. ‘Mr. Vecchio,’ he said quietly.

‘Get!’ And Sal was striding up to him, Benny standing his ground with Ray behind him.

‘No!’ Ray cried out, pushing Benny aside himself, and taking the force of Sal’s charge. ‘ _Ah_ …’ he inadvertently let out as he was crushed up against the bench, the edge of it hard across the small of his back.

Sal was of course furious. ‘My son!’ he cried out, holding Ray in place with a fistful of his shirt. _Whack!_ went the other hand, hard across Ray’s face. ‘My firstborn son!’ _Whack!_ ‘A faggot!’ _Whack!_ And Sal spun around, taking Ray with him, then threw the boy across the room.

Already dazed, Ray fell back across the floor, skidded along to come up hard against the far benches. A vital moment passed while Ray sought his bearings…

Benton was standing firm between them again. ‘Stop this at once,’ he said with that quiet authority of his. ‘I won’t let you do this.’

But that wasn’t going to work on Sal at the best of times – and these were the worst of times, for the man reeked of liquor. ‘Get away from here,’ Sal growled. ‘It’s not enough that my son’s a faggot – he’s screwing around with a pretty little Canadian.’

‘Thank you kindly,’ Benton said evenly. ‘No one’s ever called me pretty before. Not even Ray.’

Presumably Benton was intending to draw Sal’s anger. If so, the tactic worked. Ray managed to clamber to his feet, but he wasn’t quick enough to prevent Sal from charging at Benton. The young man, proving to be rather more solid than Sal’s son, met the older man and held him. The struggle that ensued was a rough one – a couple of chairs were knocked over, the glasses on the table fell and shattered – while Ray showered his father’s back with impotent fists. Apparently Benton didn’t expect Sal to fight dirty – a knee soon landed solidly in Benton’s groin, and the boy crumpled to the floor.

‘You rotten old bastard!’ Ray screamed at him. ‘How dare you hurt him?! It’s _me_ you hate, you fucking old drunk! _Me!’_

‘ _Him_ , too,’ Sal said, breath heaving, leaning one-handed on the table. A temporary respite while he gathered himself. Benton wisely stayed out of the way this time, propped up against the wall behind Sal. ‘ _Him_. He’s screwing with you. My son was never a faggot until this pretty boy came along.’

‘Oh, yes, I was. You want to know who I started with? I once figured you might even be impressed.’ Ray eyed the man, part of him afraid to provoke him any further – and the rest of him simply wanting to have all of it out _now_. ‘Would you have liked it any better if you caught me with Frank Zuko? How do you feel about the heir-apparent to the West Side of Chicago fucking your firstborn son?’

Amazingly enough, there was a glimmer of something in Sal’s eyes. Respect? _Christ_ , Ray thought, feeling sick to his stomach, _I was right_.

‘You and Carl Zuko’s boy were screwing? You had something going with him?’

‘Yeah. And believe it or not, Pop, he likes me – Frankie likes me a lot.’

Ray let that sink in for a moment. Sal was watching him, that glimmer of respect actually deepening.

‘I could be his consort.’ Ray smirked a little – ‘His gangster’s moll. Damn it, I _knew_ you’d be impressed – because Frankie gives me substance, doesn’t he? He makes me _someone_ when he fucks me. I bet you wish you had it that good.’

Sal’s mouth twisted into nastiness, not wanting to be identified in any way with any aspect of this perversion.

‘And you know what, Pop? This’ll kill you. I blew it all away. I chose Benton instead. Because I love him.’

Slowly, Sal drew himself up. He was quite imposing when he stood tall, being of solid build and aggressive temperament. ‘You moronic little fuck-up,’ he pronounced from on high. ‘You stupid fool of a child. I don’t where your mother’s been over the years, but it’s clear _I_ never sired you.’

Ray yelled. He yelled his fury so loud that his throat ripped as the sound rolled out of him. Then, ‘Get!’ he shoved his father towards the back door, ‘Get away from here, you bastard!’ _Shove!_ The man stumbled, and Ray pushed him again, over the threshold. ‘Get!’

‘Stupid child.’ But Sal was leaving, and that was all Ray cared about.

‘Don’t you ever come near her again!’

‘Screwed-up little faggot.’ His father reached out, and Ray didn’t bother ducking, just went with the blow even though it tumbled him down the back steps. Ray managed to catch himself on the concrete path, taking the brunt of the fall through his arms. ‘You wait,’ Sal was muttering as he walked on past, ‘you wait for me to come home, Raimondo, you think about what I’m going to do to you.’

‘What do I care?’ Ray almost laughed. Threats aside, his father was actually on the run right now. ‘You don’t scare me anymore.’

‘The hell I don’t,’ Sal called back.

‘No, you’re pathetic.’ Oh, this was fun. ‘Hey, Pop,’ Ray yelled, not giving a damn about the neighbors – ‘I’m more man than you’ll ever be, even though I take it up the ass.’

Salvatore Vecchio got into his car, not even glancing at his son.

Laughing as the man drove off, Ray cried out, ‘Oh God, I should have done that years ago.’ Another laugh, and he turned to share the joy with Benton. But Ray immediately quietened, for the poor guy was standing there, looking pale and holding onto the doorjamb for balance. ‘Benny? Are you OK? God, he got you a bad one, didn’t he? Right in the balls.’

‘Ray.’

An overly grave tone of voice. It suddenly occurred to Ray what he’d just said for all the world to hear about taking it up the ass. Benton could hardly fail to realize that meant Frank had been doing the deed. A horrible moment stretched in which Ray could not face his lover. ‘I’m sorry, Benny.’

‘No – your arm, Ray. Look at your arm.’

He did so, and then Ray let out something that wasn’t a laugh or a sob. ‘I only just got the plaster off from last time…’

‘I think it’s fractured again,’ Benton said.

♦

‘We’re going to have to stop meeting like this,’ Ray quipped as he and Benton were driven to hospital. They were sitting in the back seat of a neighbor’s car – it was Mr. Mulroney’s taxi all over again. But the joke wasn’t really very funny, and Ray wasn’t surprised when Benny didn’t laugh. Meanwhile the neighbor kept glancing at them through the rear-view mirror, no doubt having heard something of the Vecchio family’s latest little tiff.

For once it was a slow night in the emergency room, so the two boys soon had quite a swarm of nurses gathered around them.

‘This young man fell,’ Benton announced, ‘and I believe he’s fractured his left arm.’

Ray said, ‘Yeah, my bastard of a father pushed me down the back steps. We’re talking child abuse here,’ he added for the benefit of the nurses who seemed rather taken aback.

Benton was also looking surprised, though presumably for a different reason.

‘No more lies,’ Ray firmly told his lover. ‘Look,’ he said to the nurses, ‘Benny here tried to stop my Pop from hurting me, and he got a knee in the balls for his trouble. So, I want you to check him out, too, OK?’

Well, most of them just leapt on the poor guy, Ray could almost hear them squealing with delight. And who could blame them? Benton Fraser was just so patently adorable – would _anyone_ argue with getting _paid_ to check out his genitalia?

‘Ray…!’ Benton cried out as he was carried away. The Canadian apparently wanted to be rescued. But Ray just chuckled, and was wheeled off to suffer through the x-ray department on his own.

By the time the two were reunited, while Ray was waiting for his new plaster to set, Ray’s high spirits had dissipated somewhat. No matter all the good things that had happened, there were still difficulties to be faced.

‘Are you all right?’ Ray asked.

Benton blushed, but said with a straight face, ‘Everything seems to be in working order. However, I must watch for any discharges of blood when I urinate during the next twenty-four hours.’

‘And you will actually _tell_ someone if there’s anything wrong?’ Ray reached to hold his hand. ‘You won’t get all embarrassed on me, will you?’

‘No, Ray.’ Benton changed the subject by asking, ‘And how are you?’

‘I’m fine. It’s just the arm – you were right, another fracture. All up, not half as bad as last time.’ Ray looked at the young man sitting next to him. ‘Speaking of which. If I’m going to tell Frankie to take a hike, how do we avoid him setting Tomaso onto you?’

‘Well, I’ve been thinking about the situation, when I haven’t been, er, otherwise engaged.’

Ray chuckled at the self-conscious expression painted all over the Canadian’s pretty face. ‘Sorry, Benny, but I had to be sure that the bastard didn’t hurt you, OK?’

‘Yes, Ray, of course.’ A moment passed, and then Benton looked at Ray very directly. ‘I believe, Ray, under the circumstances, that we should simply call Frank’s bluff. He has far more to lose than we do. Image is everything for him, the image of complete control and power – while you and I have nothing to be ashamed about, and need not worry as much about what people think of us. The truth will hurt him far more than it can ever hurt us. Ray, you said it yourself – no more lies.’

‘But do you really think…?’ Ray asked faintly.

‘Ray, who is the person you’d find it most difficult to tell any of this to?’

That was easy to answer. ‘Pop.’

‘Well, he knows everything now. The worst is already behind us, you made sure of that. You were very courageous.’

‘I was very stupid,’ Ray said, contradicting this interpretation of the situation. ‘But if Tomaso…’

Benton interrupted him again. ‘We’ll be careful. And if it comes to that, I’ll go down fighting, I’ll do anything to protect you. If either of us can – that is, if either or both of us survive any attack, then we’ll take evidence of the crimes committed to Detective Welsh of the twenty-seventh precinct.’

‘Oh,’ said Ray.

Apparently waiting for a more considered reaction than that, Benton watched Ray carefully.

‘Oh, well,’ Ray continued at last, ‘that means all of this has been for nothing. I should have just told Frankie to take a hike in the first place.’ Ray looked at his lover. ‘You’re saying I was wrong the whole damned time, and all of this pain I’ve caused you, all of the pain I caused myself – we could have avoided it.’

Benton tilted his head. ‘I certainly don’t mean to criticize, because I believe you’ve acted throughout with the best of intentions. You were faced with difficult choices, and you made the best decisions you could at the time. It’s only now, after all you’ve been through, that you’ve begun to care enough about yourself to stand up for what you want. If I hadn’t witnessed your bravery in telling your father the truth this evening, no matter what the cost, then I would be recommending a different strategy.’

‘Oh,’ said Ray. And he settled down to think about it all some more.

♦

It was quite late by the time they got back to Ray’s home. Benton had phoned his Dad, and Ray had called his Ma, from the hospital – but for Ma at least that brief conversation hadn’t been enough to reassure her. There was evidence in the kitchen, after all, that something terrible had happened, and no doubt the neighbors had provided a few lurid details of the yelling match.

‘I have so much to talk to you about,’ Ray murmured from the depths of his Ma’s bosom, knowing that now was the time to tell her the good things about him and Benny, and the bad things about him and Salvatore. No more lies and no more secrets. ‘I love you, Ma.’

‘I love you, too, Raimondo,’ she said, refusing to let him go for a long while. ‘I will always love you, caro, you remember that, yes?’

‘Yes.’ So maybe this wouldn’t be so awful after all. Although Ray had thought to wonder how she’d feel about her son chasing her husband out the door and telling him not to come back… Ray was saved for the moment by the phone ringing. He went to answer it, leaving Benton and Ma to make some cocoa. ‘Hello.’ It was the emergency room at the hospital, asking something about his father. ‘Hey,’ Ray interrupted them, ‘this is Raymond Vecchio, I was there this evening with a broken arm. Pop isn’t home right now, but…’

‘Raymond, your Pop is Salvatore Vecchio, is that correct?’

‘Yes, but…’

‘May I speak with your mother, please?’

He knew. Somehow Ray knew – he supposed he must have just added up all the little clues, the circumstances, and got to the heart of the matter. Ray stood up straighter, something cool flowing down through all of him. ‘No,’ Ray said with Benny’s quiet authority, ‘I think you’d better speak with me.’

♦

The man who could be so imposing when drawn up to his full six feet of fury, didn’t look like much when he was lying on a hospital bed with tubes and stuff running in and out of him. After the incident with Ray and Benton, Salvatore Vecchio had apparently spent the evening at Fanelli’s getting even drunker, and then on his way home he’d wrapped his car around a telegraph pole. There were few obvious injuries, but he wasn’t expected to last the night.

Ray left his Ma sitting at the bedside holding her husband’s hand. Benton had been deputized to make a couple of phone calls to neighbors and relatives, apparently surprised but pleased to be considered part of the family. Luckily Ray’s three siblings were all at an aunt’s for the night, so he didn’t have to worry about them for now – Ray figured he and Ma would go tell them the news first thing in the morning, because they’d all be asleep by now. Meanwhile, a doctor wanted to talk to Ray alone for a moment – they stood there in the corridor, murmuring about matters of life and death amidst the bustle.

‘Do you understand what I’m telling you?’ the doctor said. ‘We simply can’t operate. His blood-alcohol level is far too high. We’ll monitor it, and we’re ready to begin surgery as soon as we can, but frankly, Mr. Vecchio, I fear your father will leave us before we can do anything more for him.’

Ray nodded, a little confused for the moment because _Mr. Vecchio_ had always meant _Sal_ before – but Ray understood well enough what the situation was. ‘The stupid old fool,’ he murmured to himself. ‘I know you’ll do what you can,’ Ray said to the doctor, ‘but I figured a long time ago that Pop would drink himself to death one way or another. It’s all right. We’ll wait with him, and we’ll pray.’

The family settled in for the night. At dawn, without regaining consciousness, Salvatore Vecchio slipped peacefully away.

♦

The funeral was surprisingly well attended, although even in his most generous moments Ray couldn’t really believe there were too many people who were actually going to _miss_ his Pop. There were a whole bunch of men whom Ray recognized as Sal’s acquaintances from Fanelli’s and from work. There were Ray’s friends from school, including Elaine and Arliss, and of course his siblings’ friends, and all their families. And there were people from the neighborhood, people who’d actually witnessed Sal’s drunken rages and his abuse over the years.

Frank Zuko was there, dressed in an incredibly expensive-looking dark three-piece suit. Ray hadn’t had the chance to tell Frank to take a hike yet, so Ray had to accept the boy’s public gesture of sympathy – a full-blooded hug – with Benton standing right there beside him. Frank had brought along old Charlie, his father’s right-hand man, as a show of power.

Benton’s father came, too, in his full dress uniform. The red stood out brightly against all the black worn by the Italian community, but Robert Fraser’s serious and respectful demeanor leant dignity to the proceedings.

Ma Vecchio was grieving as loudly and excessively as Italian widows were expected to, though Ray privately figured she’d be just fine in the long run.

It all went rather well, given that Ray had never arranged a funeral before. Not that the priest and the funeral directors didn’t do a lot of the work for him, but there had been decisions to be made. He’d had to be firm about the eulogy, for instance – insisting that while it should be tactful, it had better not be a complete whitewash. People seemed willing to cooperate with Ray, and to relate to him as an adult. Everyone outside the family seemed to naturally assume he was the man of the house now…

Well, Ray could live with that. Everything really was going very well.

♦

‘Are you all right?’

Ray smiled. This question was asked with such powerfully gentle concern that he simply fell in love with Benton all over again. ‘I’m fine, Benny.’

They had escaped from the crowd downstairs who’d come back to the Vecchio home to be fed following the funeral – after a couple of hours of enforced socializing, all the while trying not to step on the rampant rug-rats, Benton and Ray had escaped by the simple method of sneaking away upstairs together. Ray jammed a chair under his bedroom door-handle, and then took a moment to reflect that he’d never have to do that again in fear of his Pop. It felt good.

This was actually the first opportunity Ray’d had to be really alone with Benton since that confession in the kitchen about his relationship with Frank Zuko. It had been a busy few days, with no time to devote to such personal matters. Ray found himself grateful for once that he lived in such a traditional community – because, as a man, he wasn’t expected to help with all the abundant hospitality going on downstairs. In fact, he was expected _not_ to help.

‘Are you sure?’

Ray grinned now. ‘Positive.’ He wandered closer to Benton, appreciating the relative quiet and stillness in this room. ‘Have I told you how beautiful you look in that suit?’

‘Oh! No, you haven’t.’

It was a dark blue, which heightened the color of Benton’s eyes. It was a classic style, though a little too stolid, and it was thoroughly put to shame by Frankie’s stylish threads – but nevertheless it was _perfect_ for the Canadian.

‘Actually, I wasn’t thinking of impressing you, Ray, when I put it on this morning.’

‘No?’

‘I was thinking of demonstrating my respect for your father.’

‘Ah. Well, now we’ve shown the old bastard a great deal more respect than he ever deserved, I think I should get you out of that suit and into my bed…’

Benton took a breath and turned away.

‘Or are you going to get coy on me? Too many people around?’

‘No, Ray,’ the young man said. ‘But if you’d permit me a moment –’

‘Sure.’ Ray closed the distance between them, and reached to hold Benton’s hand. ‘What’s wrong?’

Oh, it seemed Benton _really_ didn’t want to talk about whatever this was. It also seemed like he felt he had to. Ray tugged on that hand, and the two of them sat on the side of Ray’s bed.

‘What is it, Benny?’

‘Well, Ray, I’ve been very impressed by your behavior during this difficult time. You’ve been efficient and generous, serious and considerate. You’ve taken on new responsibilities, and I think that all sits very well on you. I watch you and I decide a hundred times a day that you’ll make an excellent police officer.’

‘Yeah, _but_ …?’

Benton glanced at him, then looked studiously down at his feet. ‘I’m worried that you’re not allowing yourself to grieve, Ray. I’m worried that you’re masking your grief with all this efficient bustling around.’

Ray smiled, and grasped Benton’s hand tighter. ‘No, it’s all right – I am grieving, Benny. And I’ll keep on grieving for as long as it takes. But I’ve got to do it in my own way, OK?’

‘Yes, I understand that, Ray.’

‘It’s kind of difficult, though. As a father, my Pop was a great pool player, you know? I don’t hate him anymore, I haven’t hated him for years, but I can’t pretend he was anything better than what he was – so I just have to work the grieving out for myself as I go along. It’s not like with Ma, she can just play the wailing widow to the hilt, and grieve in ways everyone recognizes. Me, you probably won’t realize what I’m doing when I’m doing it.’

Benton nodded, but said, ‘There’s something else as well.’

‘Sock it to me.’

‘I was wondering if you feel guilty, or if you blame me. Over our role in what happened.’ Benny somehow found the courage to look Ray in the eye. ‘We both know that if we hadn’t angered him that evening, your father may well be alive today.’

There, all their truths had been spoken now. _Well_ , Ray thought, _all except one_.

Ray echoed his lover’s nod. ‘That’s right, Pop probably wouldn’t have died that night if it wasn’t for us. But it was always going to happen, Benny, I can promise you that. He was drunk more often than he was sober. If he didn’t have an accident at work some day, his health would have gone. Or he’d have been in that car wreck some other time. So, I can live with the fact that we had something to do with what happened that night – because he was always going to die. And I was his firstborn son, I was part of his life, so I was always going to be part of his death.’ Ray looked very directly at Benton. ‘The question is, can you live it, too?’

After a moment of consideration, Benton said, ‘Yes, Ray. Because of what you’ve said. Yes, I can live with it.’

‘Good.’ Ray smiled, letting the seriousness go. ‘Right now, you know what I want to do? I want to celebrate. And if that sounds awful to you, then you can just put it down to my odd way of grieving, OK?’

‘Yes, Ray.’

‘I want to celebrate by making love with you. There’s this sense of freedom now that my father’s gone, do you understand that? I want to revel in it.’

‘Actually,’ said Benton, ‘I believe it is recognized that many people have sex following an experience with death, such as a funeral, as a way of asserting that they are alive.’

‘You want to assert that you’re alive, Benny?’ Ray asked in his most insinuating tones.

‘Alive and relieved.’

That gave Ray pause. ‘Why _relieved_?’

‘Relieved that you chose me rather than Frank Zuko. Relieved that you don’t feel so guilty over your father’s death that you want to repress your love for me. Relieved that you are fine, and that you think I’m beautiful.’ Benton shrugged. ‘Small matters such as those.’

Ray laughed delightedly. ‘Kiss me, then, you gorgeous man.’

And Benny did.

They kept it sweet and light and joyous, slowly undressing each other while maintaining a steady flow of kisses. Exploring flesh that hadn’t been honestly enjoyed for too long. Finally they were both naked, and lying facing each other on the cool sheets.

‘I love you so very much, Ray.’

‘How much?’ Ray asked wickedly, wanting to hear more, wanting to revel in this as well.

Benton tilted his head to consider the words, while his fingers idly drifted down Ray’s chest and stomach towards his eager cock. ‘I love you… even more than your mother loves you.’

‘Benny!’ Ray protested – but the boy continued weaving his spell.

‘As her firstborn son, your mother adores you. She remembers when she first held you as a baby, and she was your whole world. No man had ever looked at her with such unconditional love. Not even your father. Maybe not even _her_ father. But then there was you…’

‘Stop it…’ Ray felt himself blushing, from his toes all the way up to his scalp. He’d always felt there was something a bit wrong with him, the way he loved his mother so entirely, so… well, yes, voluptuously. But, now he thought about it, Benny didn’t seem to feel it was so odd. Maybe it was OK.

Never mind that for now – Benton was talking about himself and Ray again. ‘I’ve often thought you’d make a good father, Ray, and my only regret about you committing yourself to loving me is that it’s unlikely you’ll ever _be_ a father. I’m sorry you won’t look into your child’s eyes, and see his or her unconditional love for you.’ Benton was gazing at him, _into_ him with those beautiful sapphire blue eyes. Worshipping him. ‘But _I_ can look at you that way, Ray. I can love you with all of myself, with no conditions and no restraint.’

Well, this feeling between them was beyond words now. Ray leaned closer, pouring his soul into trying to return Benny’s look of love, and then they were kissing…

It was beyond Ray’s powers of comprehension.

♦

It turned out that Salvatore Vecchio had not been exaggerating, or indulging in compliments (deserved though they were), when he referred to his wife as a lady. Ray was bowled over to discover that Sophia Vecchio came from a family with old money and older traditions – she still received an allowance from them, despite the fact she’d been ostracized ever since her marriage.

Which was almost as big a shock as discovering Sal had a life insurance policy that he’d _actually bothered to keep current_.

Ray was reeling. His biggest worry for the Vecchio family since his father died had been financial. Now it seemed that they would all manage quite well for another year, so that Ray could finish school before he applied to join the Chicago Police Department. And Ray figured that if he continued to work part-time for old Guido, at least until he became a cop, then his family’s day-to-day standard of living would hardly drop at all. It was a heady feeling, knowing they were going to be all right.

As Ray talked these matters through with Benton, and dealt with Sal’s will on his mother’s behalf, Benton continued to tell Ray how impressed he was with Ray’s efficiency and responsibility. Which was certainly music to Ray’s ears, after years of his father calling him a screw-up.

‘Responsibility, though,’ Ray mused one evening as Benton walked him home. ‘You know what this means? I can’t ever come to Canada with you. At least, not for years yet, not until the kids are all grown up and can take care of themselves. And there’ll always be Ma to think of. So, I’m _way_ more tied down.’

‘We’ll face that when we have to, Ray,’ Benton assured him. ‘I’m happy to be with you in Chicago for now, and I’m proud of you for what you’re doing. Maybe it won’t ever become an issue.’

Everything was turning out surprisingly fine. Until Ray and Benton reached the Vecchio home, and found Ma nervously waiting in the front room with a visitor.

It was Charlie, Carl Zuko’s man.

‘What do you want?’ Ray asked, not bothering with the social niceties. Benton stood firm at Ray’s shoulder.

The old guy said in his slow, roughly amused voice, ‘Young Master Frank is upset because you don’t come round and play no more…’

‘Oh yeah,’ Ray replied, wondering if he could out-sardonic Charlie. ‘Sure. And he sent you here to tell me that.’

‘Mr. Zuko has a message for you as well.’

Poor old Ma was looking scared out of her wits. As well she might.

‘What?’ Ray asked.

‘He says your old man was into him for twenty-five thousand. Bad gambling debts, you understand. Mr. Zuko’s heard there’s insurance money…’

‘Get out of here,’ said Ray.

Charlie considered him for a long moment, completely unfazed. ‘Is that what I should tell Mr. Zuko?’

‘No, I’m telling _you_ to get out of here. I’ll think about what I’m going to tell Carl. It might have something to do with vultures.’

‘Don’t think for too long, kid, and don’t get too imaginative.’ Charlie brushed past Ray and Benton as if they were of little consequence. He turned in the hallway, just before he left Ray’s line of sight. ‘Oh, and I’ll convey your fond regards to young Frankie.’

Ray attempted to stare the man down. And then Charlie was gone, the front door closing behind him.

A long moment passed during which they all drew breath. Then Ray went over to his Ma, and held her for a while. ‘Don’t you worry, Ma. Benny and I will sort this out, all right?’

‘Oh, heavens…’ she was murmuring. ‘Oh heavens…’

‘Now, don’t you go worrying about it. If I need help, I’ll ask Benny’s Dad, OK? He’s a Mountie, he’ll know what to do.’

‘Oh heavens…’

♦

Two nights later, Ray knocked at the front door of the Zuko house. When Charlie opened it up, Ray asked, ‘Is Frank available?’ He’d thought about adding _I want to come play with him_ , but figured that would just be indulging Charlie’s prurience.

‘Sure. You know your way up…?’ A small but insinuating smile.

_No, because I always climbed that damned vine before_. ‘Sure.’ _You could have left me a ladder there once in a while_. And Ray headed up the stairs, walking tall despite or because of Charlie’s gaze tailing him.

Frank’s bedroom door was closed, so Ray knocked lightly. ‘Yeah,’ came Frank’s voice. Ray walked in, and saw Frank sprawled on his bed surrounded by paperwork. Then Frank looked up, and his face broke into a smile. ‘Ray buddy.’

‘Hey, Frank.’ Ray put down the sports bag he’d brought, and closed the door behind him.

‘Come over here,’ Frank was saying. ‘You should see this stuff, it’s such a mess, but it’s kind of wild.’ Ray cast a glance over the account books and records spread around. It seemed like Frankie was toting up figures. ‘It’s the summer vacation,’ the boy complained, ‘and my _Pop_ gives me homework.’

‘That’s tough,’ Ray sympathized.

Now that Ray was close by, Frank suddenly got to his feet while still on the bed, and hauled Ray into a hug. That way, the difference in their heights was reversed, and Ray found his face pressed to Frank’s chest. ‘How have you been?’ Frank asked. ‘I haven’t seen you since the funeral. You doing all right, Ray buddy?’

‘Yeah, I’m fine.’ Ray put his hands to Frank’s waist, gently pushed himself away.

‘I figured I wouldn’t ask you to come visit me for a few days or a week. I figured you have other things on your mind…’

‘And I appreciate it.’

‘But now that you’re here –’

Ray interrupted him. ‘No, Frankie. I came to say goodbye.’

‘This isn’t goodbye,’ Frank said cheerfully. ‘This is a whole new start.’

Frowning, Ray asked, ‘What are you talking about?’

‘Things have changed.’ Frank sat down on the bed again, relaxing back amidst the wiseguy accounts for the West Side. ‘You’re the breadwinner in your family now. That means you need to earn some bread. And you’re looking at your new employer.’

‘No, Frank.’

‘Hey, I know my Pop is calling in Sal’s debts. That’s quite a bit of cash you don’t want to part with.’

‘Frank, I don’t want to get into this with you.’

‘Sure you do.’ Frank scrambled off the side of the bed, and came to stand near Ray, looking up at him with a surprising earnestness in those beautiful dark brown eyes. ‘You join my team, Ray, with or without your Canadian friend, and I’ll ask Carl to wipe the slate clean. You commit to me as my friend and my lover, and if necessary I’ll take on the responsibility for Sal’s mistakes. Your Ma won’t have to worry her head about money for the rest of her life.’

Ray gaped for a moment. ‘You’d take on twenty-five thousand? For me?’

‘Yes.’

_Christ_ … ‘You don’t want me that much, Frank,’ Ray said flatly. Perhaps he’d already let Frank declare way too much – when the boy opened his mouth to speak, Ray lifted a hand to stop him. ‘No, _listen_ to me. You don’t want me, not that much. Because I’m not available. This is goodbye.’

Frank’s expression hardened. ‘You haven’t thought this through.’

‘Yes, I have.’ He tried offering a regretful gesture, tried running his fingers back over Frank’s soft fine hair, but Ray only received a glare in return. ‘I brought the money over, OK, so that we could call it quits.’

Now it was Frank’s turn to gape, as Ray picked up the bag and unzipped it. There was a pile of cash in there, fresh from the bank.

‘It will be tough doing without this,’ Ray explained, ‘but we decided it would be worth it. So, this is goodbye now, Frank. You and I are going to walk away from each other.’

‘No.’

‘Yes.’ Just as firmly. ‘I always had that dream of being a cop, you know that. I’m going to be joining the other team.’

‘You’ll regret this. That Canadian’s made you soft, Ray. You’re turning away from your own people.’

Ray took a breath. ‘I’m not afraid of the truth anymore, Frank. I’m willing to remain silent about everything that’s happened until now, but I’m also prepared to tell all. And anything that happens from now on, if it’s a crime, I go to the police. No matter what.’

Frank was glaring at him now. The bond had at last been severed, and Ray was past the point of no return. ‘Now you’re talking dangerous, Raymond.’

‘Yeah, I know. But I’ve been thinking – it’s all live-and-let-live in this neighborhood, with your kind of people and mine, the wiseguys and the cops, otherwise we’d destroy each other. So, now you have to decide whether to organize your first hit, or make your first truce. And I know you’re plenty smart enough to make the best decision.’

A long long moment passed. Frank was virtually steaming. ‘Yeah,’ he finally said, ‘you’ve been doing a lot of thinking. And now it’s my turn.’

‘Sure, Frank,’ Ray said easily. ‘And I bet you’ll make your conclusions real clear.’ He hefted the bag. ‘Let’s take this down to your Pop, so that we all know we’re quits.’

Frank nodded, and led the way downstairs, radiating fury.

From there it was all over within seconds. Carl Zuko barely even deigned to acknowledge Ray’s presence. The money was left there in his study, Carl distantly pronounced that the debts were clear, and Charlie escorted the boys to the front door.

Ray and Frank eyed each other for a moment, while Charlie looked bored. Finally Frank said, in a deceptively light tone, ‘I’ll be seeing you, Raymond.’

Well, _that_ was true enough. No doubt they would avoid each other for as long as they could, but once Ray was a cop, he and Frank would inevitably come up against each other again, and all this history would be between them. And Benton Fraser would be by Ray’s side.

Well, Ray figured he wasn’t quite done yet. There was something he’d wanted to do right from the start, and he found he couldn’t resist the temptation now. There, under Charlie’s sardonic gaze, Ray Vecchio framed his hands around Frank Zuko’s handsome face – and Ray leaned in and kissed the boy, full on the mouth.

It only lasted a moment. Ray let him go, and Frank almost spat in disgust, wiping his mouth as if he feared contagion. Laughing, Ray said, ‘Yeah, see you, Frankie…’ And he ran, all too aware that Charlie was chuckling, too.

So that, as they say, was that.

♦

They were on Benny’s bed-roll. Ray, who still wondered how anyone could sleep on such a Spartan thing, was lying on top of the rather more padded Benton, and they were kissing in the lazy messy afterglow of sex.

Inevitably Benny’s hands drifted down to shape themselves to Ray’s butt, to worship the curves, to linger exquisitely in all the tender places – well, in _most_ of the tender places… Benton eventually looked up at Ray, carefully considering something, and then whispered, ‘May I begin touching you _there_ again?’ So hesitant, as if fearing he was being far too presumptuous.

Ray’s heart ached. ‘I’m sorry, Benny. Of course you can. I’m so sorry I stopped you before.’

One of Benton’s hands lifted to stroke his lover’s hair, to bless the nape of his neck. ‘Don’t trouble yourself over it, Ray.’

‘But that was – that was _ours_. Yours. I hated him most for taking that away from us.’

Benton gathered Ray up, and kissed him, reassuring. ‘May I ask if he hurt you? Will I need to be more careful?’

‘No…’ Ray couldn’t help himself, he broke into a smile, overwhelmed all over again by having such a generous lover. ‘No, there’s no need for _you_ to be more careful. And he didn’t really hurt me, because you’d…’ The smile fell. ‘Oh, Benny, you’d gotten me so ready for it, and _he_ benefited.’

‘Then so have I,’ Benton declared, ‘because I managed to save you from more pain.’

‘Oh, stop it,’ Ray moaned. Sometimes he wondered how he could possibly cope with the larger-than-life goodness of Benton Fraser. Well, Ray couldn’t right now – so he babbled instead. ‘Frank didn’t have much imagination. That was pretty much all he wanted. But he never kissed me, Benny, that was always yours alone. And…’ Ray came to a halt, and grimaced. ‘How tactless. You don’t want to hear all the details.’

‘Ray, I’ll listen to whatever you need to tell me.’

‘There’s one thing, one last thing…’ Ray settled down onto Benny, tucking his head into the young man’s shoulder. ‘I hate myself for it. He, er… he made me come. Every time. Sometimes just by fucking me. You know, I could hardly bear that – I didn’t want to be there, I didn’t want to be with him, it was almost, well, it was _rape_ , though I guess no one would ever take me seriously on that – and I had an orgasm. Every time. I hated that.’

‘Of course you did,’ Benton said soothingly, pressing a kiss to Ray’s forehead. ‘Of course your body reacted that way even though it was rape, and of course emotionally you felt betrayed by your own self.’

Ray risked a glance at Benny’s face, and there he was, compassion and unconditional love all firmly in place. ‘Oh, Benton Fraser, whatever did I do to deserve you?’

‘You were, and are, Ray Vecchio.’

‘Oh…’ Ray moaned. And they were kissing, an intense mouth-to-mouth giving and receiving. Beautiful. Inevitably there was a reawakening of physical interest. These days, they couldn’t get enough of each other. Ray broke away to say, between pressing kisses all over that pretty Canadian face, ‘You can fuck me, Benny… if you want… right now, I mean… you won’t hurt me…’

Ray belatedly realized that Benton had stilled, and was looking up at him hungrily. ‘Are you sure?’ he whispered.

‘Yes.’ Oh-so-firmly. ‘Do it, Benny.’

Well, of _course_ Benton didn’t just push Ray over and plunge into him – though, one day, Ray promised himself, he would make sure Benny abandoned himself to the passion and did exactly that. Instead, Benton spent a lovely long while pleasuring Ray, going down on him, caressing him, covering him with love. Much to Ray’s surprise and delight and initial squeamishness, Benton even explored Ray _there_ with his tongue. It was wonderful. By the time they were both achingly ready for the final step, Ray felt his lover had thoroughly reclaimed everything that belonged to him – which was no doubt exactly what Benton intended.

Though he wasn’t at all sure of the mechanics of it, Ray insisted on lying on his back and facing Benny for this. ‘I want you to _see_ me,’ Ray murmured when Benton demurred, ‘I want you to _know_ I’m giving myself to you.’

That prevented any further argument. With no further ado, Benny was pressing against that little entrance to Ray, and then patiently pushing himself inside. Even now he took excessive care, and though Ray was fraught with _im_ patience, he adored Benton all the more for being so scrupulous. Watching and taking note of all Ray’s reactions, Benton found that internal gland with his cock-head, settled them both into position, and then began gently rocking to and fro, caressing this most sensitive of areas.

‘Benny…’ Ray’s breath was heavy, his lips were dry, as he stared up at his lover – belatedly realizing that Benny, with the most delicate precision, intended that this tiny intimate motion would be enough to drive them both to orgasm. ‘Benny…!’ Ray keened, almost frightened by the power of it, the sheer force of feeling created by that fraction of an inch of flesh Benny was concentrating on. ‘Benny…’

And Ray was coming, sensation imploding and then exploding through him. Somehow he managed to watch Benton throughout – saw the surprised jolt of reaction as Ray’s body contracted around Benny’s cock, the beauty and awe on Benny’s face as orgasm shook him to his foundations, those eyelids drooping for a moment as Benton surrendered conscious intent.

They stared at each other afterwards, both overwhelmed by all that was between them. And then they held each other close, reassuring and gentling, while they waited for the world to reassert itself and settle around them.

‘I don’t have the words,’ Ray eventually said, ‘to tell you how incredible you are.’

‘I don’t, either,’ Benton offered. Which was an unusual and rather sweet state of affairs. ‘But you are. Beyond words. Incredible.’

‘Where on earth do we go from there? How can we ever beat that?’

‘I don’t know.’ A hushed tone. ‘But, Ray, even if it’s never any better than that for us, I promise you I’ll be content. I’ll be ecstatic,’ Benton amended, ‘for at least another sixty-five or seventy years.’

‘Good.’ Ray dared to kiss him again, now that they’d spiraled back down to earth. ‘Benny, I was thinking.’

‘Yes?’

‘I know we’ve been through a lot lately. I know there’s been pain, and guilt, and trouble. And some of it seems kind of unnecessary from this end of things. But I was thinking, we’re older and wiser for it, you know?’

‘Yes, Ray.’

‘You think so, too?’

‘Oh, yes.’ Benton smiled at him, radiating happiness. ‘We’re older and wiser and very much in love.’

Ray’s heart just melted all over again. ‘Yeah, very much in love,’ he repeated, before kissing this man, his lover. _Very much in love_. Taken all in all, this had been the best damned summer vacation of his life.

♦


End file.
